A recent dispute with a friend brought me to write this. So, this friend, who owns a restaurant, accused a competitor of copying her menu and stealing her employees. Me, thinking that she made the post publicly, replied and said to her not to accuse someone. I think I was quite polite in stating my opinion. I remember, I told her to think positively and maybe the competitor got the idea from somewhere else. I imagined a lot of people have heard of the menu, because I have, and I am not someone who pays much attention to culinary trends.
It didn’t occur to me at all that my opinion would annoy her. I thought, because it was a public post, it should be okay for the public to response, whatever their responses might be. But it did annoy her and judging from her words, very much. She said, and I quote, that I “don’t have manners” and I am “lower in class” than her, and she didn’t want to “lower herself to my level”. Oh, she also said that I think I am “smarter than all of them because I just got back from overseas.” Not necessarily in that order, as she kind of said it over and over.
Am I hurt, given that this is my friend who said this mean stuff?
A twinge of disbelief, yes. But no hurt. None whatsoever.
Honestly, I think when we post something publicly, everyone else has the right to disagree with us. But my personal feeling aside, somehow I can understand how she felt. I get this whole you-don’t-know-anything-don’t-you-dare-criticize-me-go-mind-your-own-business thing perfectly.
When I was in senior high, there was this friend. She was the girl who spent her times at musholla performing dhuha prayers, killing times by reciting the Qur’an. She was the one who extended her headscarf and spoke gently and mentioned a lot of Subhanallahs. We all liked her. She liked to gave me advices, mostly about dating. She’d told me that it was sinful to date and that dating might lead to zinah and all the rest of it. I was a teenager and dating was the most important thing in the world! But, even though she failed two of my pedekate attempts, I still admired her.
It wasn’t very long until I found out that she had a long-time boyfriend. I was shocked, but not nearly as shocked when I found out that they were intimate with each other. I mean, they kissed and stuff. Naturally, I sought confirmation and when her best friend ratted her out and confirmed everything, I was enraged. I felt betrayed. She was just like us but had the nerve to act righteous the whole time?? I lost all respect for her. I refused to listen to everything she said, I scoffed at her whenever she gave religious advices. I even called her a munafik. I was very angry and it wasn’t until I finished college, which was 4 years after high school, that I’d made peace with my feelings towards her.
So, yes, I can understand that feeling, the feeling that people are not good enough to preach and tell us what to do, because they don’t know what they’re talking about. I used to feel like that. In fact, sometimes I still do.
I think it’s in our nature to defend ourselves, to defend our opinions. And it is very much easier to deny than to admit that sometimes others DO know better. Deep down, we know that sometimes what they say is true, but we prefer to put up this wall of shut-up-because-you-know-nothing.
It’s regrettable, really, that we tend to focus more on the advisor than the advice itself. See, when we focus so much on who’s said it and their backgrounds, we’d miss their intentions, which may be good for ourselves.
In my case, I shouldn’t have cared about her boyfriend, because he didn’t have anything to do with her advice. The fact that she might be a munafik should’ve never been my concern, because in the end, her advice was right and valuable.
The fact that I just got back from overseas shouldn’t have become a concern for my friend either. Even if it was true that I think I am the smartest bitch in the whole world (which is not, at all, true), it doesn’t make my opinion pointless, does it?
It should be the idea that counts, not where it comes from.
I think so.
After all, telur tetap bergizi walaupun asalnya dari pantat, right?